Anonymous
I know how you feel. My mother has had several stints with alcohol, which nearly tore our family apart. She's sober now (at least I think she is), but after all the hiding booze and the relapsing you eventually start thinking they will slip up again. I do. I remember when my father left on a business trip and she went on a drinking binge, which usually ended with her passed out on the couch with me taking care of my sibling; I remember she put her head in the sink and was unresponsive and I had to call an ambulance. I remember once I had an accident with the oven which resulted in a 3rd degree burn, and hours later she took us to the pool and my burn was still unbandaged. It's times like these I remember from my mother's drinking, and I hope no one has to go what we go through.:

I wish I could have answered you privately and Im sorry if this is a very late reply, I distanced myself from this blog for a short while, the parents were away and things were looking up. They’re now back from their vacation and I’ve been thrown back into the reality of my situation again. 

I hope that these challenges will make us stronger, I know for sure my parenting will never mirror that of my parents where drinking is involved. Alcohol to me is a treat, not a daily necessity. 

Its been a while guys…

I think starting this blog was much harder than I imagined it could be, for so long I have fought with myself to block out whats happening with me and at home, for so long it’s been a ‘thing’ that happened and never once did I sit down and purposely reconnect it to my feelings. 

I’ve come here today to gain peace really, my house is hectic right now, with only two people it is hectic. I do not want to be around my parents or in my house, let I lack the energy to leave or argue. I don’t know how I ended up feeling like this or when it will go away, but the thought of going to live with my fiance and his mother is becoming more of an option each day. 

This isnt a good day.


addictionreferral
RE: I thought we had a breakthrough..

Did you really think he would stop drinking? It's not something he can control. Professional help is needed here. Alcoholics drink until they hit rock bottom. Rock bottom means losing everything that means anything to you in your life. Trust me. I know.:

You put emphasis on professional help but sometimes that isn’t possible. Unfortunately forcing someone to seek help when they do not  realise or acknowledge they have a problem is only going to be counter-productive. And he can control his drinking, to a point. He chooses when it’s safe to drink, he will only overdrink in the home, never in public and only after a certain time. 

He can shout and shout..

But then apologise and immediately I have to let it go.

If I spoke to him in the same way, id be told to leave. For him its easy, an apology fixes everything and always has.

Now.. I’m too old to play those games. I just wish he saw how he acts and how he treats me. If my fiancee was like him, he’d be the first to tell me to leave him.

X ML

I thought we had a breakthrough..

About a week ago, I called my father out on his actions. Told him outright that the reasons why he and mum was arguing was because he was drinking too much. He saw my outburst as me trying to be controlling and taking over the family.. However after a chat to my mum the drinking started to subside. 

Until now, The glimmer of hope was dashed as I realised over the past couple of days.. nothing has changed. 

I cant count the amount of lies and broken promises anymore. I never thought I could resent my father so much, but his attitude and outlook which favours alcohol over his child and wife is not a trait I wanted to acknowledge. 

I count the days until I can leave..

X ML


thesecretlifeaws
You're not the only one! I'm married to an alcoholic and trying to save my kids from going through what you went through. Have you heard of Al Anon/Alateen?:

I’m the child going through this now! At twenty it still seems like I’m in the middle of everything. Well done for facing this problem head on. Scanning through some of your posts I recognised those feelings immediately. I haven’t heard of those no? Is it worth a Google search? Keep in touch and good luck. X ML

And so the story continues.

There are days, like today where I mention to my parents that their drinking bothers me. After weeks of my mum promising things will change I question why and how she can shout at dad for having drunk too much whilst actively encouraging him to take her to the pub. 

It’s like they enjoy this sick relationship they have with alcohol and cannot see how it mutates their judgement, moods, and mostly me.. 

Her response today? ‘Stop keep going on, its nothing to do with you. I could say you do nothing around the house to help’.. Do you know why I do nothing? Because I sit in my room, pretending that I don’t actually live here. 

Like my room is my haven, the place where I used to sit in the corner and cry my eyes out on the bad nights. The place where they ignore Im here for a while. But Still after all of this I feel the need to mute my TV just incase the shouting sounds like pushing or needs investigating.

This is, and was my life. Writing it down, without talking about the happier times makes it seems worse than it was. But wow, no I truly realise how messed up it really was.

X ML 

4pm Nap.. I guess drinking is tiring.

Yes you heard right, an afternoon nap. Why? Because on a Sunday drinking starts at 12pm. Effectively I should expect this now.. But I don’t. 

Sometimes I resent my mum, she married my father and saw his bad habits and had the arguments, fights and problems, yet still decided it was the environment for a child to be born into. 

I’d like to think I’d know better, and with any signal or indicator that my Fiancee was headed in the same direction I’d be strong enough to end it. We learn from our parents mistakes, yet have no control in changing them. 

For everyone else who feels trapped in their environment, you’re not alone. 

X ML

Its funny..

Even when the drinking is less that a usual night you know the concept of happiness lies on a knife edge.

Will this next drink lead to him flipping out at me or mom? Will the night go smoothly?! When there’s this much tension in your own home, there is little wonder why friends, relatives or my fiancee are barely invited round.

My little masquerade needs to continue for as long as possible..

Even when there’s a good day.. You wait for the storm to hit.

X ML

For me the weekend is a solstice.

A time of sanctuary. Away from the parents, the tension and potential arguments and days full of work and evenings with the fiancee. With such a contrasting working hours its nice to have some time together.

So you may notice friday/saturday posts nay be non existant or short due to the 5am starts, early nights and overall business.. But ultimately free (or blissfully ignorant) as to what’s been happening at home =)

X ML